The good news: It was summer and I could head up north to the cottage (in Muskoka) to try and get that rest and relaxation that I so desperately need.
The bad news: I couldn’t get fertility and baby making off my mind! …every. single. thought. was on my empty uterus.
As a 26 year old woman it is pretty much impossible to get away from pregnancy announcements, baby bumps, baby showers, and adorably cute kids. Perhaps the worst place to be is the wonderful- yet terrible place if you’re barren- Facebook. Without a word of a lie, I believe that at least one person, a week, was posting cute news ways to announce they are pregnant- screw you Pinterest for your awesome pregnancy announcement ideas. The worst part was the the stupid announcements were awesome- photo shoots, older siblings with signs, and baby bumps galore. I full out admit, I was so green with envy that some days I threw my lap top across the couch.
It seemed to depend on the day… Some days I could actually manage to ‘like’ the post and think like a normal person and be happy for them. Other days a pregnancy announcement would immediately reduce me to tears. How was it possible that every other person in the entire world looks at a penis and gets pregnant when we actually put two living embryos (babies!) in my belly and it still didn’t work?
Dan would tell me to maybe take a break from Facebook… try to focus on other things and enjoy our small break. Yes, a break. Well it took a good couple weeks for me to start to feel normal again. By about 2 weeks after our BFN (big fat negative), the hormones were officially out of my system and my distended belly had shrunk back to it’s chubby (but normal) size. (Thanks to IVF, I’d definitely put on an additional 20 or so pounds by now).
We tried to make the most of this time, however, this was also the exact time that we were officially opening the doors to our Pita Pit! An incredibly busy time for us but also a huge step forward- Dan’s hard work and business sense had finally taken form and we could open up the doors!
Deleting my Facebook account wasn’t going to happen. I enjoyed connecting with friends and family that was living away from Ontario ( Hi Amy! ). And I couldn’t exactly block any person that could potentially become pregnanct bewteen the ages of 18-40- there goes 90% of my facebook…. This is when I had my fabulous and genius idea that we should be able to have a timeline blocker- put in keywords that you do not want to hear about, then it automatically hides those from your timeline. Seriously Facebook… an awesome idea! LOL
And perhaps there should also be a way for me to be forced not to click on the ‘kids’ subsection of Pinterest. Oh, and stop reading magazines with every star’s new baby announcements. Ok… I get it. I need self control.
But alas, it appeared I just needed to focus on the good things in our life. We were starting a new business, had great jobs, a beautiful new home, two of the cutest dogs, not to mention an amazing base of family and friends. Focus on the good, not the bad. We had so much to be thankful for, just focus on that.
Easier said than done. The empty hole in my stomach seemed to take over everything.
Around this time, my Aunt sent me ‘The Serenity Prayer’ which became my new go to in times of sadness and jealousy. We can do this…!
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.