Thus far in our journey, I felt as though we just continually got bad news. The meds don’t work, the IUI didn’t work, the cycle won’t work, sedation didn’t work, IVF didn’t work, FETs didn’t work…. my body didn’t work. This was the first time that I could feel a real sense of optimism.
I made all of our happy calls to family and close friends. Of course, Jen was the first text I sent. “We’re approved!!!!”. Jen and I BBM all day long… basically every day. And she didn’t answer right away. She generally is pretty good at answering quickly, however, she does run a daycare so I know to expect a text back once she has a spare second.
A minute went by… then two… Then the doubt started to set in. Holy crap. What if she isn’t ready for this? Well, it’s not that we have agreed to everything yet. We had really only agreed that we would discuss it seriously and evaluate our options if the clinic gave us the approval.
I couldn’t wait another second. My car phone was now calling her. “Jen! We’re approved!! … Don’t have a heart attack!”. She laughed a nervous laugh and said that she was just shocked. After the last appointment it seemed like this was no longer an option. We had all kind of accepted that this wasn’t the path that we were going to take, and now we had done a 180. My heart dropped- maybe she wasn’t as sure as I had thought she was when she offered.
She laughed- a real laugh this time- and said she was just taking a moment to let it settle in. My instinct made me blurt out, “If you’re not sure, or if it’s too fast, or it’s just not what you thought, it’s ok. I more than completely understand. The fact that you ever thought about it means the world to us.”
My heart was thumping 1000 beats per minute. Was this great news, not really so great after all? Surrogacy was not an option that we were thinking about with just anyone. Surrogacy was something we considered based on the fact that it was Jen. We had already made the decision that if it wasn’t her, we weren’t interested.
She then talked me off the cliff, as only best friends can. We didn’t know everything, and there was a lot to figure out. But she was still on board. She had to just get her head back in the game. Her offer was the same offer that we had started with. Surrogacy might be right for us- but we had a lot to figure out first.
I think this is the part that I get to say… My friend’s better than your friend!~
LOL… ok. But seriously. How many people have a best friend in their life that they are willing to literally give up a year of their life (if it works the first time!), have invasive tests and procedures, go through the emotional roller coaster of pregnancy and the associated health risks that go along with them- the stretch marks, nausea, labour and birth- then simply hand over the baby to you. Not to mention deal with the social stigma of being a single pregnant woman trying to explain to her children, family, church, friends, and daycare parents that yes, she is pregnant. But no, it isn’t “hers”.
Words don’t even begin to describe our feelings. How can you put into words our sincerest gratitude for such a miraculous gift. The words Thank-you just don’t seem to cut it.
Whether or not this works. Whether or not we even go through with this. The very fact that she has given this idea this much thought, and is willing to investigate it further, is perhaps the biggest gift that anyone could ever give.
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I guess here is where you begin to wonder what is going through Jen’s head. Is she actually crazy or a saint as I have described her. My vote is the saint… but here’s some of her thoughts in her own words.
Q: At what point during our journey through infertility did you consider offering to be a surrogate?
A: I’m honestly not sure. I had thought about it before, but I know it was after you received upsetting news that I knew it was a for sure offer that I had to give.
Q: What resources did you use to better understand surrogacy in Canada?
A: Before I had talked to you about it, I had been doing research online and had downloaded a few ebooks to get me informed. It helped me with the legal view and most of the medical (we all know not one case could be like yours… but close!). There are a lot of forums out there FOR surrogates so I was able to see things from their point of view and know their feelings actually going through it.
Q: What was/is your biggest concern or apprehension about offering to our surrogate?
A: Obviously my kids were the only part I was really nervous about… Well, and my Grandparents. Just explaining this situation is, dare I say, “weird” and I wasn’t sure if my family would be on board with it.
Q: Are you crazy?
A: I am your best friend… Can’t get much crazier than that! 🙂 Well, minus the sister wives jokes from the doctors… awkward!
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